Patience Butterfly
Wrestling with the cocoon
Narrow daylight entered my room
Shining hours were brief
Winter is over
Summer is near
Are we stronger than we believe?
Diana Krall
Looking back over my life there have been some surreal experiences. Lifting the ordinary to the extraordinary.
Back in 2002, I had the opportunity to enjoy the wonderful Diana Krall performing live at the Sydney Opera House. A rare night out, we went to the (then) Regent Hotel for a post concert nightcap. As my husband and I and our friends sat in the lounge, we were the only ones… until Diana Krall and her band sat down at the table next to us.
Surreal doesn’t begin to explain the feelings.
Despite a strong urge to engage, we left them to enjoy their well earned respite from the concert hall and just stared in wonderment at each other.
Another of those life experiences to bottle.
I woke this morning with Diana Krall’s lyrics in my head. The difference being the second line of her song now with new words… ‘shining out within’. And I’m sure it’s because last night was another of those wondrous sleeps where I knew something that I have been wrestling with for some time, has now completely shifted.
I felt the shift in light sleep and the lightness of being on awakening.
These days, and by a divine grace, I am learning to trust the inner part of my being more and more. Anita Moorjani once said that the inner part is more real than the outer… I am now finally beginning to grasp this. As the wonder of my inner Self, the essence of who I am, is gently leading me forward, I am learning to trust in ways I never previously knew how to.
Does the butterfly wrestle with its cocoon? I can only think it must at times as it becomes the whole being. It is a death and a birth at the same time and there can be sorrow, even deeper grief that accompanies the letting go and moving toward.
As I emerge after 15 years of active medical treatment, this was one of those bigger emotional experiences where I needed a little help too. I am so deeply grateful to those in my life who offer support through complementary therapies, and more than anything, a safe space in which to disentangle, while I allow the inner healing to unfold. A wonderful doctor this week also recognised my grief and held the space for me as I hold it for others. What a gift this is, to be able to hold the space for the depth and rawness of the human experience without judgement or shame. To hold it for ourselves too. She reminded me of the importance of self-compassion and trust, and as I allowed myself to feel into the pain, recognising so much of it was intergenerational, I trusted the inner part of me to heal the vastness of the wound and surrendered to it. And so it came to be.
In our western rational framework we are taught to deny so much of our experience. And often through a lack of teaching, we are denied the wonder of knowing our real essence. The being within that anchors us when we allow our outer-selves to reconnect. It doesn’t mean we don’t have ongoing challenges, and even after years of healing, we can still be caught quite unaware of the deeper pain we might be carrying. Perhaps generations worth of it. The difference is, as we reconnect to the deeper consciousness within, we are better equipped to handle it.
A deepening consciousness is indeed medicine for the heart and soul… I am grateful to the doctors who understand this and can support me from within that space.
As I turn within and politely ask the inner part of my being to hurry up please with the other healing too, I smile as I hear the words ‘patience butterfly’.
The wonderful Diana Krall…
Beautifully expressed Belinda. This is all supportive of the law of correspondence.
"As within, so without"... So deeply entrenched we can become in this
western rational framework, who's habits & beliefs can have us emerging
daily from our nocturnal cocoon more like a cockroach than a butterfly.
The constant social pressures & media bombardment are all in alignment to convince
us, that we are powerless, ordinary, separate & unacknowledged.
When we take the time out, usually through burnout or injury,
we slowly begin to smell the coffee again, feel the music & lyrics again, & slowly
find comfort in that cocoon again. We are not designed to be operating in an
industrial environment 24/7/365 decades at a time, and yet here we are.
Once we slow down enough, for long enough, & allow the sweet parts of ourselves
previously forgotten in the rush, to line our cocoon once again, we also begin to
realize (real eyes) that all of this is not by mistake, not a mere coincidence...
Whether we choose to re-engage with our life the same way again, or learn a discernment
that guides us to greater wisdom & harmony, without the misleading western bells &
whistles, is always our choice. But like our perspective as an adolescent, are we choosing
as, or from, a position of knowledge & wisdom, or something more akin to peer pressure
or indoctrination. Our ability to love, forgive, cooperate, create & be compassionate
are all a part of what make us uniquely Human, but how many of us have any time for
being human, in a culture that separates, divides & manipulates while we as individuals
forget that even without wings, we can be each others Angels at least occasionally, &
feel so much better about everything in the process. Reclamation is easier for the hermit
or the chrysalis than the cockroach, we need to be able hear ourselves again, with time for grace...
Thankyou for this page Belinda, now I need to hear some more Dianna Krall. :)