There's a hippo in my bathtub

Unravelling the mystery and healing potential of emotional memory

We all know about the elephant in the room. But few are aware of the hippo in the bathtub.

Unless of course you happen to be a child of the 70s like me, who listened to the wonderful Anne Murray.

Because a hippo in the bathtub is a wonderful metaphor for when there’s a huge backlog of painful emotional memory that we haven’t yet healed.

But what is emotional memory?

Why is it important?

And what is the potential that comes from embracing and healing this part of ourselves?

As a P.S.H. therapist, these are the questions that fascinate me daily.

Recently there was a wonderful article over at Fatherly that describes emotional memory perfectly. It’s so encouraging to see media channels shining a light on this very important part of who we are.

When Do Childhood Memories Start? Earlier Than You Might Think

In his article Chase Scheinbaum describes emotional memory like this…

‘You may have heard that children don’t form memories until about age 3, but that’s a bit of an oversimplification. According to a pair of leading experts in childhood memory, your 2-year-old may not recall their first spin on the teacups like you will (how could you forget that face?). But they will retain a different, more mysterious kind of memory — one that lasts a lifetime.’

And Chase goes on to describe the wonder of emotional memory in the words of Nora Newcombe, Ph.D., a psychology professor at Temple University…

“One of the big contributions of psychology and neuroscience over the past few decades is to unpack memories into different categories…

The two categories, Newcombe explains, are explicit memory and implicit memory. Both are subdivisions of long-term memory and begin developing very early. Here’s how they differ:

• Explicit Memory: Requires conscious recall and is generally associated with a time and a place — the autobiographical version of memory you’re used to.

• Implicit Memory: Not about specific events, but instead is more of an unconscious, emotional recollection.”

---

I invite you to just pause for a moment and remember something special… maybe it’s somewhere you’ve been, maybe it’s something you love to do, maybe it’s something else entirely. (Go on, take a moment - just allow your eyes to close, while you allow your mind to recall the memory for you).

No matter what comes to mind, notice the details. Where it is, what it was.

That’s the cognitive memory (explicit).

Now, notice how you feel when you recall the memory...

That’s the emotional component (implicit).

Two separate memory systems that happen to cross over when we recall something special.

---

But they are separate systems.

In early life we develop emotional memory long before we begin developing the cognitive. It begins even within the womb.

Some would say emotions are our first language.

So what’s the big deal?

Well contrary to popular belief, it’s emotional memory, and not the cognitive that underpins so much of our lives…

• Our health both mental and physical - I’ve personally discovered emotional memory as a seriously underappreciated and untapped source of healing (more in a later blog)

• Our decisions, the way we think, the choices we make, those annoying repeating patterns

• Our relationships - for better or for worse

• Our birth experience and parenting style - how we bond with our children

• Our ability to learn at school, remember the important things and thrive

• Our ability to enjoy a good night’s sleep…

As a therapist I help people heal negative emotional memory and this begins the repair of so many other aspects of their lives (mine included).

As a medical scientist, I am in awe at the wonder of who we are and what is possible, particularly within the emerging neuroscience.

As a human with a big heart, I am frustrated by the gap between the wonder of what is discovered within the science lab and the lag in using that knowledge and experience to help people of all ages overcome many of life’s struggles - in the classroom, the doctor’s rooms, the bedroom and every other aspect of our lives. Frankly, it’s been decades now.

And so today, I have finally begun to pen my thoughts to help people understand the wonder of who we truly are, and what happens when we give ourselves the opportunity to heal emotional memory, which, by the way, can be done, very gently and privately, often within just a couple of sessions.

I’ll explain more about the hippo in my next blog…

Photo by Glen Carrie on Unsplash

---