Un-learning difficulties

If only more parents realised...

Recognise that unlearning is the highest form of learning

―Rumi

Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

I was working with a really smart young man recently who was having trouble with his reading.

Despite the commitment of mum, dad and the teachers, it was affecting his ability to learn and there didn’t seem to be a logical answer.

Recognising it was possibly emotional, his mum asked if I could help.

To be honest, I’m never sure when I work with children. While in some ways they are quite easy to work with, children (and teens) sometimes need to hold onto their emotional memories to protect them - until they are old enough to make their own decisions.

Fortunately many are ready though and it is a wonder to behold how quickly they make changes when given the opportunity.

All of seven years of age, but oh so switched on emotionally, we met over lego which he loved, and he described how he felt in his happy space.

When I asked him about how he felt while reading, it was a whole different story. He hated it. It made him feel angry. And he pointed to a feeling in his throat where he held the emotional memory.

Why his throat?

Perhaps it had something to do with his difficult birth, something his mum had mentioned. A memory at a deeper level of his umbilical cord wrapped around his throat that had left an emotional imprint - a one off experience that had never been fully processed and had somehow latched on to his reading.

While we will never really know, fortunately the reason didn’t matter.

Because as one of my colleagues put so perfectly… ‘long before we speak, we feel… emotions are our first language’… it was the emotion that needed the focus.

We spent a little bit of time together to help him learn how he could heal that feeling when he was ready… and with the ongoing support of mum, dad and his teachers taking the pressure off, giving him a bit of space to heal emotionally, I was delighted to learn of his massive progress within just a few weeks. Reading now without prompting, reading every day things around him with ease, taking the first step himself with a book… his mum even sensed he was a little bit proud of his achievements. His teachers also think he has improved significantly in reading and writing… and he did this all himself. He just needed a little guidance and the appropriate support.

In the words of his mother…

…we had a VEEEERY long journey behind us - which always led us back to the traumatic birth experience. We had massive feeding problems in the past, which we resolved with the reversal of a neonatal reflex, but it also left an emotional trauma… There was sooo much trauma which manifested in his nervous system, but the emotional trauma was the missing bit.

Of course, children don’t consciously remember their entry into the world or early years… but a part of them remembers emotionally and this can cause all sorts of strife when the early life experiences have been difficult.

In a recent article, the BMJ outlines clearly how adverse events in childhood can affect health and learning in later years - but many parents and teachers are still unaware that emotional memory can affect children in this way and even more importantly, how to help.

Most haven’t even heard of emotional memory. And yet our early learned emotional experiences dictate so much of our later health, our behaviours, our responses, our choices, our lives.

Adversity in childhood is linked to mental and physical health throughout life BMJ 2020;371:m3048

Children aren’t necessarily being naughty or difficult, they may well be responding to ‘danger’ signals from within. And it is these unresolved emotional wounds that can be getting in the way of their natural talents… this young man certainly had a difficult entry into the world, as can happen sometimes, but he was also born with the most incredible ability to heal. And now he is reading with greater ease.

What most people don’t realise is that we all can ‘unlearn’ difficulties at an emotional level. And while we cannot change our personal history, these are the miracles that can happen when we give children, and ourselves, the opportunity to heal the emotional memories are no longer needed…

FOOTNOTE: An update from mum today… where previously he would have been anxious, she is in awe at the wonder of this young man’s growing confidence in handling many other situations on his own now as well…

As my teacher Greg Brice would say, when one thing changes, others just seem to follow.

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P.S.H. (Private Subconscious-mind Healing) is a natural therapy modality, a completely independent, stand-alone therapy that supports people to utilise their own natural healing ability to resolve emotionally based issues.

To learn more about P.S.H. or find a qualified and registered P.S.H. therapist, please visit

https://www.psh.org.au/